Chaotic Nightmare

Dear Ryan Air,

I recently flew with your airline from Seville to Brussels and I wanted to thank you for taking what I cherish most in the world and crushing it under the heel of your boot like a cigarette butt.  Nowhere else have I found such a bizarre combination of strict rules and guidelines (ie: baggage restrictions) and total anarchy (ie: everything else). 

Let's begin with the cattle run you refer to as "boarding the plane."  How much of a bother could it be for you to assign each passenger to a seat?  I was horrified by the blocking techniques I found myself using against the ladies trying to budge past me in line!  My friend and I finally elbowed our way onto the plane and got two seats together.  I plopped into my seat with reflief - with most airlines, this is when the tension of air travel releases and you can settle in.  Not so with Ryan Air.  Europeans seem to like using hard suitcases, and to avoid paying for checked luggage, they try to stuff these things in spaces where they just don't fit.  I sweat that by the time the carry-on luggage situation was sorted out, the man across the aisle from me had grown a full beard.  Next, I experienced something for the very first time in my life.  A flight attendant read out a list of ten names; people who were supposed to be on a flight to Paris but were suspected to actually be on our plane.  Please explain to me how this could possibly have happened!  Step 1) Check baggage at ticket counter for flight to Paris.  Step 2) General Security  Step 3) Proceed to gate for flight to Paris.  Step 4) Gate agent checks boarding pass and id as you pass through gate for flight to Paris.  Step 5) Board flight to Brussels.  30 minutes dragged by while these idiots were sorted out.

Finally, on to the flight itself.  How comforting it is to spend two and a half hours with a stranger's thigh pressed up against my own!  I don't give a rat's ass if her hard suitcase is too large for the overhead bin and is now taking up all her available leg room.  She can't have mine.  I paid for an entire seat; I would like to have it all.  And I understand that you're a budget airlie and make most of your profits via additional costs, but I am never going to buy the Ryan Air Flight Attendant's 2010-2011 Calendar.  Please stop making announcements every 15 minutes trying to sell it to me.

How very different the last few years of my life would have been if I'd grown up flying Ryan Air.  I'll give you this: the price is right.  But did we really just conclude the journey by playing a fanfare and self-congratulatory announcement for arriving at our destination on time?  I was surprised that we landed at the correct destination at all.

Keep up the good work,

Allie